Girl Wash Your Face Discussion Questions – Chapters 11-15


Below you will find the Girl Wash Your Face guide that we used in my adult small group. I hope you find this helpful for your Girl Wash Your Face book club or small group. If you have questions to add, please put them in the comments below and I will happily add them to this post.

Also to note: you know your group! If a question doesn’t hit home with you or your group, skip it! I also don’t require everyone to answer every question, especially on the nights when we are a group of 10. However, I will pick on the quiet ones sometimes if I feel like they aren’t being heard or would benefit from discussing a particular question.

Questions for Every Week

There are a few questions I always ask in group. These Girl Wash Your Face guide  questions are intentionally very open-ended. It is ok if there is no real response to these first questions. I like to ask these questions because it gives group members an opportunity to voice questions, concerns, deep thoughts, or anything that was weighing heavy on them after reading the chapter.

1. Can someone Summarize the chapter for the group?

This is to catch up those members who didn’t actually read the chapter. It happens, and I like to do this to be gracious and inclusive.

2. Did anything jump out at you? What did you think of the chapter?

 

Chapter 11:

1. What areas do you feel are out of control?
2. Do you think that you have room in your life to embrace the chaos?
3. Do you have too many things on your plate?

I like to think of your time/energy as “cups”. Every person has 10 cups. And you only have 10 cups of water. But many people tend to commit to 15 cups worth of things. When that happens, you will inevitably drop something in the process of trying to fill 10 cups with 15 cups of water.

Example of what my cups look like: Currently, 4 of my cups are family and child care, 2 are household responsibilities, 1 is devoted to small groups at church, 2 are devoted to work, and one is for myself.

4. What “fruit of the spirit” do you need most in your life right now? What do you think would refresh you the most?

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control

5. Do you think you are good at accepting help from others?
6. What are your top three priorities?

 

Chapter 12: I need to make myself smaller

1. Do you feel like you make yourself smaller for other people?
2. Do you feel mom guilt?
3. What areas do you allow yourself to be small in?
4. Rachael suggests that you consume content in an area you feel you are muting. What content do you think you need to seek out?

This question in meant to prompt resource sharing.

A note that she does not talk about in the book. I believe that the areas that you down play to others are the areas that God has blessed you with great skill or talent. When we make our self small, it is often to make ourselves more acceptable to other people. Being ridiculously talented is intimidating to others. So we shrink it. Embrace what God has uniquely gifted you with. And admire those gifts in others.

 

Chapter 13: I will marry Matt Damon

1. Do you day dream about your goals?
2. What do you dream about most?
3. Do you feel like it is helpful to have motivational images or quotes around you? If so, what kind of inspiration do you need right now? And where should you pin up that motivation?
4. What of the three things would/does help you the most?

write it down, saying it out loud, create a vision board

 

Chapter 14: I am a terrible writer

“Whether or not something is good or worth is up for interpretation. And if you are unconcerned about other people’s interpretation, then everything you create is fantastic.”

1. Have you ever been crushed by something critical someone said, in real life or on the internet?

If you do not see yourself as an artist or creator (of any kind), think about one of these areas: work, parenting, leader of a group, maintaining your home, fitness or workout life.

2. For the non-artists: Do you allow the “I’m not creative” thoughts to stop you from engaging in the joy of creating?

Or phrased another way: do you allow yourself to be muted because you can’t create perfection? (are you your worst critic)

Examples of creating: crafts, baking, “fancy cooking”, dancing, writing, etc.

My thoughts: creating is an action, not something that must be perfect or instagramable.

3. What do you do (or want to do) that leaves you open to critics?
4. Do you let those critics get to you? And how does that affect your work?
5. Do you think it is easier or harder to tune out critics from strangers vs friends and family?
6. What would you do, or how would it affect your work if you tuned them all out?

 

Chapter 15

1. Is there anything weighing on you that you want to share with the group?
2. What has helped you most when dealing with difficult circumstances?
3. If you feel like you are on the other side of a trauma, what do you wish you could have told yourself back then?

 

 

 

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Girl Wash Your Face Discussion Questions – Chapters 6-10

Below you will find the Girl Wash Your Face discussion questions that we used in my adult small group. I hope you find this helpful for your Girl Wash Your Face book club or small group. If you have questions to add, please put them in the comments below and I will happily add them to this post.

Also to note: you know your group! If a question doesn’t hit home with you or your group, skip it! I also don’t require everyone to answer every question, especially on the nights when we are a group of 10. However, I will pick on the quiet ones sometimes if I feel like they aren’t being heard or would benefit from discussing a particular question.

Questions for Every Week

There are a few questions I always ask in group. These Girl Wash Your Face book club discussion questions are intentionally very open-ended. It is ok if there is no real response to these questions. I like to ask these questions because it gives group members an opportunity to voice questions, concerns, deep thoughts, or anything that was weighing heavy on them after reading the chapter.

1. Can someone Summarize the chapter for the group?

This is to catch up those members who didn’t actually read the chapter. It happens, and I like to do this to be gracious and inclusive.

2. Did anything jump out at you? What did you think of the chapter?

 

Chapter 6: No is the final answer

1. What are some of your big goals in life?
2. Are there any dreams that you have let go of because some one told you no? Do you wish you hadn’t? Or can you recall a time when someone told you no, and you pushed ahead anyway?

“Nothing that lasts is accomplished quickly. Nobody’s entire legacy is based on a single moment.”

3. What voice do you give into most easily?

The sources of “no” that Rachel gives are: authority (boss, parent, spouse, friend), difficulty/it takes too long, personal hardships

4. What do you need to do to work towards your goals?

Make a plan? Make a call? Do some dreaming? Actually do a thing?

 

Chapter 7: I’m Bad at Sex

This is another chapter, where the Girl Wash Your Face book club questions are going to depend a lot on where your group is in life.

1. Can you relate to Rachel’s experience?
2. How would you rank your current sex life? And are you happy with where it is?
3. How do you think that a poor sex life is effecting your relationship?
4. A lot of women see sex as a chore or obligation in marriage. If that is you, what causes you to see it that way?
5. If you are not in a relationship at the moment, what can you right now to improve your view of sex for your future husband/partner?

 

Chapter 8: I don’t know how to be a mom

There are a lot of Girl Wash Your Face Book Club questions here. Select the ones that make the most sense for the stage of life of your group.

1. Do you/did you feel like you don’t know what you are doing when it comes to motherhood?
2. What causes you to doubt yourself?

Judgment of your parents or in-laws? Life not living up to Instagram or Pintrest expectations? Expectations set by friends or family?

3. Are you worried or scared of becoming a mom? What are you most worried about?
4. What can you do to prepare yourself or help you feel more confident? or what suggestions does the group have to help you be more prepared?

If your group is all pre-children, I’d like to add my own note here:

Watching your nephew or best friend’s baby is not a full proof solution to feeling more confident or prepared.

You will know your own child in a way that you can’t possibly know that another person’s child, because you will be spending 24 hours a day with your own baby (at least in the beginning). In that time you learn pretty quickly, he likes to be held up, not laid down, she likes that paci and not the green one, he hates the mozart music but will fall asleep to wave sounds in a flash. All these things you learn by trial and error with your own child.

It is hard to learn all of those things about a child in a few hours of babysitting. I just don’t want you to feel like “I’m a failure with other children, so I’ll be a failure with my own children.”

5. What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself?
6. Do you feel like you have a “tribe” or other women to talk to about motherhood?

 

Chapter 9: I am a Bad Mom

1. When do you feel like a bad mom?
2. When you think about your own childhood, what are the things you want to avoid?
3. When you think about your own childhood, what are the things that you benefited from that you want to incorporate into your own parenting?
4. What kind of children do you want to raise?
5. What stresses you out the most thinking about your children’s future?

Either your unborn, future children OR the future of the children you currently have

6. What of the three things would help you the most to feel differently about motherhood?

 

Chapter 10: I should be further along by now

1. Think back 10 years ago. Where did you think you would be?
2. Are you happy with where you are now in comparison to where you thought you would be?
3. What are of your life do you “feel you should be further along”?
4. When you ask yourself honestly, are those feelings internally motivated or externally motivated?

Examples of Internal Motivation:

  • I want this for myself and no one else.
  • I want this because it helps me in a long term goal.

Examples of External Motivation:

  • My parents expect me to ___.
  • When I look at my friends/co-workers, their life looks different, and I think my life should look more like theirs.
  • I feel a societal pressure to hit certain milestones by a certain age.
5. Thinking about the areas you want to work on, what changes do you need to make to reach your goals?

 

 

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Girl Wash Your Face Discussion Questions – Chapters 1-5

My adult small group has been reading Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis for a few weeks (…months) now. When we started, I was stunned to find that there were no Girl Wash Your Face discussion questions. I scoured Pintrest, the internet, and Rachel Hollis’ own website looking for discussion questions. One of my group members did have a discussion guide that she had received as an email sign up bonus from Rachel Hollis. But this guide is hard to find, and wasn’t very useful for our group. Most of the questions felt like comprehension questions, and not questions that probed the group to think.

Below you will find the Girl Wash Your Face discussion questions that we used in our group. I hope you find this helpful for your small group. If you have questions to add, please put them in the comments below and I will happily add them to this post.

Also to note: you know your group! If a question doesn’t hit home with you or your group, skip it! I also don’t require everyone to answer every question, especially on the nights when we are a group of 10. However, I will pick on the quiet ones sometimes if I feel like they aren’t being heard or would benefit from discussing a particular question.

Questions for Every Week

There are a few questions I always ask in group. These Girl Wash Your Face discussion questions are intentionally very open-ended. It is ok if there is no real response to these questions. I like to ask these questions because it gives group members an opportunity to voice questions, concerns, deep thoughts, or anything that was weighing heavy on them after reading the chapter.

1. Can someone Summarize the chapter for the group?

This is to catch up those members who didn’t actually read the chapter. It happens, and I like to do this to be gracious and inclusive.

2. Did anything jump out at you? What did you think of the chapter?

 

Chapter 1: Something Else will make me happy

1. Which of the three things that helped Rachel is most helpful to you?
2. On a scale of 1 – 10 how often do you seek happiness or fulfillment from “worldly things”? one meaning, I feel content no matter the situation and ten meaning, I’m constantly thinking about the next thing.
3. Do you think you could identify what makes you happy? what is it?
4. What is something you could do this week/month/year to make you happier or more content?

 

Chapter 2: I’ll start tomorrow

1. Do you actively think about self improvement? Or do you feel like life is just happening to you?
2. What are some goals or dreams you have for yourself?
3. What promises do you continually break to yourself?
4. What causes you to break those promises?
5. What is a small goal you can commit to for 30 days?

 

Chapter 3: I’m not Good Enough

I’ll be honest, my group struggled with this chapter. I don’t think that Rachel did a  good job tying “workaholic” back to “I’m not good enough”. I tried to redirect the discussion back to “the lie” in the questions.

1. What areas of your life do you feel like you are not good enough?
2. Rachel’s feeling of “I’m not good enough” manifested it self as spending too many hours at work. What do you tend to do when you feel like you aren’t good enough?

Over working? Defensive? Shut Down?

3. Part of how we cure the lie of “I’m not good enough” is through healthy self care and building ourselves up. What kind of self care are you missing?
4. Our priorities say a lot about what is important to us. If someone from the outside looked at how you spent your energy, what would they say are your top 3 priorities?
5. What do you want your top three priorities to be?

 

Chapter 4: I’m Better than you

My favorite line from this chapter:

“Our judgement prohibits us from beautiful, life-affirming friendships. Our judgement keeps us from connecting in deeper richer ways because we’re too stuck on the surface-level assumptions we’ve made.”

1. Are there any toxic relationships that you have in your life?
2. Are there any relationships that aren’t as strong as they could be because of your judgement of the other person?
3. On a scale of 1 – 10, how judgemental do you think you are? Why?
4. What topics do you struggle with the most when it comes to judging other people? Or What do you judge people the most on?

Clothes? Income? State of their house? Education? Kids behavior?

5. What strategies would help you the most to see people differently/not be judgemental?

 

Chapter 5: Loving him is enough for me

There are a lot of Girl Wash Your Face discussion questions here. Select the ones that make the most sense for the stage of life of your group.

1. If you are currently in a relationship, do you think that relationship is healthy?
2. Do you have people in your life that can be a sounding board for your relationship? Are you/would you listen to them?
3. Be honest with yourself. Are there things about your relationship that you hide because you know how they will sound? Is there someone you need to share those things with?

I wouldn’t require an answer for this question. My goal with this question is to stir up feelings and thoughts in any of your group members that are in a silently bad relationship. My hope is that they will confide in you after group if they aren’t comfortable sharing in group.

You might also want to consider, throwing it out there, that you are always open to listen or meet for coffee if someone needs to share something one on one.

4. Have you been in a romantic relationship that was unhealthy? If so, looking back, what were the signs that it had turned sour?
5. Do you know someone in a bad romantic relationship? Are you being a sounding board for them?
6. Is there someone in your life that would benefit from hearing your “bad relationship” story?

A sister? Cousin? Niece? Friend?

7. What are the consequences of staying in a bad relationship?
8. What guardrails can you put up to save you from a bad relationship? What guardrails do you have already?

Guardrails = rules for dating. Example: no kissing on the first date, no sex, etc. Or: I don’t tolerate guys who say things to tear me down, I won’t stay with a guy if he prioritizes his friends over me.

 

 

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It’s Not About Numbers

As a sister church to North Point Ministries, we hear numbers all the time at Browns Bridge. 55% of our roster is attending this Fall’s retreat. Over 800 middle school students attended Frequency. 134 Leaders. 432 sixth graders. 6 outings. 10 students stopped coming. Only one kid showed up.

Not only does the church freely provide these numbers to us, but we ask for them. Rejoice in them. Show them off to people we meet. And complain about them when they are low.

For our church these numbers are ridiculous, and amazing. We get to reach, sometimes, an unprecedented number of kids. Our church has become a model for many other churches of how to do youth ministry right. So, of course, we run statistics and track attendance and jump up and down when we have more than 15 kids in small group.

numbers are a metric, not the goal

At Browns Bridge we are given the goal: “to lead people into a growing relationship with Christ” and in Transit we are told to help students “find a faith of their own”.

I have been a small group leader in one way or another for more than 8 years. And I have been participating in small groups for the last 15 years (more numbers I know).

In all of that time, I have come to appreciate small groups for a greater purpose than converting people that are not believers, or pulling people back into the fold that have fallen away, as both of the mission statements above would suggest. For most small groups “conversion to Christianity” will represent a very tiny portion of your group, if any at all. But every group I have been in has been an incredible support system for the members of the group.

I have witnessed so many things that could only happen in a group that is trusting, honest, supportive, and not judgemental. A good small group will allow it’s members the space to relieve their burdens, to be emotionally vulnerable, to admit to problems they have kept hidden. Small group is not only a safe place, it’s a place for us to hold each other’s hearts and grow as people. It’s an avenue for finding change in your life. It can be a catalyst for massive growth. Every small group I have been in has made an impression or impact on my life in some way.

That is the real goal. To connect. To change. To be fully and perfectly human. To love and be loved.

Numbers are not the goal. You cannot achieve true fellowship and connection when it’s all about the numbers. No one ever said “My life changed after I attended a retreat. I just couldn’t believe that I was one of 1,000.”

When students tell their stories it is not about the numbers. When you tell your story it is not about the numbers.

The Power of One

There is huge power in the low numbers. In small numbers. The most memorable retreat I have ever lead was when I only had three (three!) students. During this retreat one of my students admitted to struggling with partying and other extra curricular activities that were less than wholesome. She would have never opened up and given a space for that conversation if there had been 30 girls. That trip needed to be small. She needed my singular attention.

When you have only a few students in group on Sunday or a tiny group for a retreat count it a blessing, not a failure. God is at work in those moments. God has given you an amazing gift to give focused attention to those students.

Use those tiny numbers to do things you can’t do with 15 kids. Walk around the church instead of holing up in your small group room. Stay up all night talking about dreams. Go out for dinner instead of eating at your host home.

God has placed those few kids in your care for a reason. God has given you this opportunity that you are passing up because you feel like your time is wasted. Your time with this one student might be the most important thing that they need. But, you won’t be able to give them that attention if you are all fussed that everyone else didn’t show up.

Numbers Aren’t Bad

I want to end all of this with saying that I don’t believe that statistics are bad. We get a roster every week with our student’s names, birthdays, contact info, and how many times they’ve attended in the last 6 weeks. I love this sheet. I can scan through these numbers and make a mental check of the students that might be falling off our radar. These statistics facilitate connection between us the leaders and the students we might not be seeing yet.

Because when you touch 30 or 40 students in your small group it is all too easy to unintentionally allow ones that are on the edge fall off.

Numbers are a guideline, but they should not drive all of your decisions. And numbers should not cause you to forget why you started serving in the first place.

Leading When There’s No One to Lead

High school and middle school ministries are the hardest places to serve in the church. Between managing drama among the group, inconsistent attendance, and overall silliness it often feels like your volunteer energy is wasted away into empty space. Even with those frustrations I would be the first to tell you that student ministry is worth serving in. The students are fantastic and funny. They have this infectious, youthful energy that is a joy to be around. They are curious and hopeful and not yet spoiled by adulthood. They think differently, and ask questions that sometimes has never crossed your mind. Student ministry is a great place to serve, especially when you serve at a church that values their volunteers.

But, inevitably you will run into one of the many frustrations of student ministries. I’ve seen it happen in every group I’ve lead and every group my husband has lead. Invariably you will run into one of the following problems: students stop coming, drama and fighting between the students in the group, a co-leader that has to leave the group, or students wanting to switch to another group. Any one of these things can make it feel like leaving and giving it up as a bad job.

When students start dropping or when your wisdom falls on deaf ears, remember that God sees what you are giving. Serving and giving of yourself is an investment in your relationship with God, just as much as it is about loving on your students. God sees your good work. God sees you showing up. God sees you even if your entire group skips out.

Let me repeat again in case you missed it: God sees you.

And just as God sees you, others see it too. To quote Andy Stanely, “You never know what hangs in the balance.” In the first high school small group that I lead I had a lot of girls stop coming. It was normal for me to show up and have no students to lead. It was really disheartening. Especially because it wasn’t like the girls didn’t like me, or appreciate my input in their lives. Ultimately the youth ministry just wasn’t meeting their needs, they needed something more than what our outwardly-focused services could offer. I recognized this way too late. In addition to the service not meeting their needs, my fantastic girls where smart, athletic and leaders, and were probably the busiest high school students I’d ever met.

What surprised me the most was others reactions to my steadfastness despite the lack of attendance. I showed up week after week, not only at church on Sundays, but also at a bible study I was trying to start. I had a long conversation with a server about the church because he saw me show up every week and wanted to know what I was doing. I got a very long text from one of my students telling me that she was sorry that she didn’t come more often and that she appreciated me reaching out to her, even when she hardly ever responded.

Wait patiently for the Lord . Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. – Psalms 27:14 (NLT)

Whatever it is that has you frustrated with your serving experience, God can handle it. Give it over to God. Ask Him to use you and your time however He needs, even if it is reaching just one student instead of ten.